uber far from zenith

The things we say

2012-01-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

01.25.12

I realized that most of the time...we really need to step back to see things better. But not too far because then you'd end up making the other person think that she is not so important to be with anymore.

Liata

2012-01-20T14:13:00.000-08:00

01.22.12

Life is a temporary assignment.

Napaisip talaga ako nung mabasa ko yan sa likod ng isang minivan.

Three main words: (1) Life (2) Temporary (3) Assignment

(1) Well, we only have one life. I'm pretty sure about that.

(2) Anything temporary isn't permanent - there is a beginning and an ending.

(3) Assignments are tasks that were given to us to accomplish within a span of time, finished or unfinished. Aside from that, I realized that there are two types of homeworks, one is to enhance our recently learned abilities and secondly, for us to research ahead of time so that when our lesson comes, we already know what to do. I also realized that there are many ways to find the answers to out homeworks, sometimes we think it through, sometimes we ask our friends who might or might not know how to answer it, sometimes we ask people who have the same assignment so that somehow you could help each other out and sometimes, we go to the internet and find the answers through people who have already done their homework ahead of you and have started to create self help tutorials.

At pag pinagsamasama ko realizations ko...somehow it makes sense.

Life is a temporary assignment.

Failures

2012-01-17T15:21:00.000-08:00

01.19.12

When things fall apart, I try to act stronger than ever.

5 tips

2012-01-15T20:45:00.000-08:00

01.17.12

People make mistakes. I'm sorry if I was too hard on you at some point.

Tips to Constructive Fights

1. Talk about how you feel about what happened, not the other person's fault.

2. Stick to one topic.

3. Allow the other person to respond.

4. Aim for ventilation, not conquest.

5. Balance criticism with a lot of affection

I now realize that what I've done was wrong. I hope we can move forward together. (as one)

Bagog simula

2012-01-14T17:48:00.000-08:00

01.15.12

Pinigilan ko talagang magpost rito para masimulan ko ang blogging year na ito na may kapow factor. Unang una sa lahat...may bago na kong laptop!

Eto yung itim niyang version na hindi na available. Ang kulay ng akin ay brown at wala kong makitang matinong picture. YAY! At dahil dito, mas ginaganahan ako magSP. At mag-aral. At lahat na ng good vibes ay nalikom ko na at gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa nanay ko kasi wasak na talaga luma kong laptop.

Ending

2011-12-30T09:37:00.000-08:00

12.31.11

Manila Hotel, here we come.

Cycle

2011-12-27T22:25:00.000-08:00

12.28.11

Napagtanto ko na kahit may sariling diskarte talaga kada personalidad...lahat talaga nahihirapan makalimot. Tipong sinasabi nila "okay lang" o kaya yung dinadaan sa pajoke o sa tawa yung mga nakakalungkot na bagay pero kapag andun ka na sa posisyon na nagrerecap ka ng mga bagay bagay na nangyari sa'yo, di mo maiwasang masaktan deep inside.

Sige, sasabihin ko na yung puno't dulo ng post na ito. Hindi ako sa hindi nakukuntento. Masaya ako na binigyan ako ng pera para pambili nung camera na kailangan ko para sa "thesis" ko. Ang "dinadaing" ko lang ay...yung thought na birthday ko tapos iisa lang labas sa pamilya ko ang may regalo. Hindi naman ako maarte no. Wala lang. Nalungkot lang ako.

Note: Hindi ko pinost to para bigyan niyo ko or anything. Nagshashare lang talaga ako na nalungkot ako na isa lang ang nakaalala bumili ng regalo.

Yung taong yun pa yung least expected na magbigay. Wala, nalungkot lang ako uli kanina habang nasa party ni berting. Sa kanya, madami dami ang nakaalala na magbigay.

O sya...tama na ang ka-emohan. Kailangan ko na magmove on.

Okay na yun. Cycle lang - balik sa unang paragraph

Sarap ng dessert!

2011-12-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

12.28.11

Happy birthday Berting!

- energy

2011-12-25T23:37:00.000-08:00

12.26.11

What a way to end the night.

Kaarawan

2011-12-25T10:28:00.000-08:00

12.26.11

Oo, tama ka dyan. Eto nga ang gusto kong birthday gift - Fujifilm F550 EXR. 11, 400 pesos lang yan tapos habang buhay na kitang papasalamatan buwan buwan.

Nakakita na rin ako ng gusto kong laptop sa Acer, 40K - i5, windows 7, 4gb RAM at 750gb hard disk.

KALA MO

2011-12-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

12.25.11

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Trivia: The traditional image that people implant in our brains is this

But according to the bible, those wise men didn't really come when they were still in the manger. Check it out for yourself. Read the Christmas story and a few verses in the next chapter!

At happy birthday na rin sa'yo Jessa Cano! Kay tagal na pala kitang kilala!

Bottomline

2011-12-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

12.24.11

As I was sitting in front of this screen after a bowlful of macaroni salad, I pondered on the things that I need to do and the things I need and the things I can't get for Christmas and then I realized something.

I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do?
Baby, all I want for Christmas is you

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door

Syempre ibang usapan na ang mga gusto ko matanggap sa birthday ko.

Christmas muna...one at a time. ;)

Sunshine

2011-12-22T12:09:00.000-08:00

12.23.11

Buhay na buhay yung SP ko. At dahil sa napakagaling ni Yuichi magsuggest, determined akong bumili ng digicam para madalian ako sa buhay ko. Homaytae, yung statistical shit na lang ang problema ko. Pati...medyo naaral ko na yung goal programming. Mukha namang tamang tama lang siya sa problem ko.

SP aside, number one pa lang ang nasosolb ko sa 175 ko. Dalawa lang ang ikinakaba kong subjects this sem, 175 at 168. Eh iilan lang naman ang subjects ko: 175, 168, 115, 191, 190 at 199. Mukha namang keribels lang yung seminar pati sp. Madadaan naman sa sipag yung 115 at special topics. Yung 175 at 168 ata ang madugo ang exams kaya dun ako kinakabahan. Gora lang, kaya ko to. After amendment, di muna ako magoorg. Promise ko na yun sa sarili ko. Kailangan ko grumaduate.

Inaanak

2011-12-21T20:05:00.000-08:00

12.22.11

Inaanak ko pala sa org. Nalimutan ko pala ipakilala sa inyo. So far, ito na yung pinakamatinong picture niya na nakita ko.

Nak, kung sakaling mabasa mo man ito sa future ay itext mo agad ako. Hahaha! Magpakabait ka dyan. Sana gumaling ka pa magtable tennis at sana gumaling ka na rin magsayaw. Sana rin makahanap ka na ng taong karapatdapat pagbuhusan ng atensyon, mga tagumpay at mga pinagdadaanan mong paghihirap.

At sana rin kapag nakahanap ka na nun, ipakilala mo man lang sa akin sa personal.

OA: Own Agendas

2011-12-21T14:09:00.000-08:00

12.22.11

Yes, it's been a while since I've last blogged. Recently, I've been writing in this small notebook that I bought. Like this blog, it helps me alleviate the unceasing pain which serves as my constant reminder that like everyone else, I make mistakes.

It's really hard to stay strong when you feel like only a number of people actually wants you to succeed. The worst part is when you realize that some of these people want you to succeed because of their own agendas.

Take my parents for example. Unknown to most of you, I am next in line in managing our business. After graduation, they plan to slowly make me learn the trade myself through hands on experiences. My mom especially, has drilled this thought hard enough into my brain that I tend to think that they want me to graduate on time just so somebody else can handle the business as soon as possible.

Being the pessimist that I am, I also tend to think that some of my friends want me to succeed just so that they can save themselves time and effort in comforting me and reminding me that that things happen for a reason. And then I think about myself...why do I want my friends to succeed?

Ingatan kasi

2011-12-13T10:06:00.000-08:00

12.14.11

Tae, nakarelate ako bigla.

Blik tanaw

2011-12-11T23:52:00.000-08:00

12.13.11

Patapos nanaman ang taon. Napaisip nanaman ako kung ano ano ang kabalikbalik tanaw na nagawa ko ngayong 2011. Ilang segundo palang solb na ko. Ang dami ko palang nagawang astig ngayong taon.

Haka haka nila

2011-12-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

12.9.11

Inevitable

2011-12-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

12.07.11

Minsan ang sarap tumakas. Lumayo. Magpakasaya. Mgpakamatay.

Pero...lahat naman ng masarap na getaway may presyong katapat. Madalas, sa sobrang mahal nung trip...di mo kayang umalis. Hanggang picture ka na lang. Tapos iniimagine mong nandun ka na sa gusto mong puntahan.

Genius

2011-12-05T09:08:00.000-08:00

12.6.11

Graduation spill

2011-11-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

11.29.11

"The people who want to stay in your life will always find a way"

Totoo nga ito. Tingin ko ang medyo mahirap rito ay yung paano kapag may gusto ka pang nasa buhay mo pero hindi na niya gusto na manatili pa sa buhay mo. Lahat naman ata tayo nakadanas nito. Pero after all the tears in our misspent days, we eventually discover that it's better that way.

Sana hindi ako masyadong magbreakdown after graduation.

(Hindi naman siguro bawal magassume)

B.S.

2011-11-24T08:51:00.000-08:00

11.25.11

Medyo nakakatanga. Nakakapanghina. Kapag naiisip ko yung mga kahinaan ko. Kapag iniisip ko na reklamo ako ng reklamo. I sound like everyone else. I sound so lame. I feel so lame. I don't want to dwell in this quicksand. I have to do something about my explicit ignorance to address my incompetence.

Ding ding! Time to start anew! New goal: Do not waste a minute.

If you want to buy tea, go do so but don't fucking stay there too long.

Mga hindi ko nagawa:

(1) Magupload ng PalaCASan Logo Entries

(2) Magasikaso ng ibang PalaCASan matters

(3) SP

Prrrt

2011-11-15T12:48:00.000-08:00

11.17.11

Minsan gusto ko sabihin sa ibang tao na "Talaga? Sarili mo nanaman iniisip mo?" pero hindi ko magawa kasi naisip ko na ganun din ako. Madalas sarili ko lang iniisip ko.

I find it ironic that I'm full of pride but empty inside. Just now, I realized that pride is like gas. You feel bad about it. You get it by laughing too hard at other's mistakes or sometimes by laughing so hard because you enjoy doing something that you should not be doing.

Deep inside, you want to get it out of your system but sometimes it's really hard. You know...just like gas.

Most of the time, you're scared to let it out because there are a lot of people with you. And you're shy that you might end up smelling bad and they'll detect that it was you all along. Sometimes, you're scared to let it out when you're with people who you want to impress so you can become friends with them. Who wants to hear you let out gas, right?

And you end up with only two situations where you can let it out. One, when you're with people who accepts you for who you really are. And two, when you're all alone.

Royal Advice

2011-11-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

11.14.11

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Parang bagay sakin to dati

2011-11-11T20:13:00.000-08:00

11.12.11

Ikaw na two timer,

Hindi ako naniniwalang di mo siya nagustuhan at na nadala ka lang sa mga nagawa niya. Tae mo. Kala mo naman kung sino kang habulin. Langya, nasaktan mo pa siya dyan sa sinabi mo. Wala kang karapatang sabihin yan kung hinabol mo rin siya (na ginawa mo kung tinamaan ka na ng amnesia).

Pabida

THIS.

2011-11-11T15:23:00.000-08:00

11.12.11

Mga bawal

2011-11-11T10:19:00.000-08:00

11.12.11

Define kawawa? Yan na yun eh.

Ang mahirap kasi sa mga tao eh yung sinabi nang bawal ginagawa pa din. Sinabi nang bawal magpark, magpapark pa din. Sinabi nang bawal tumawid, natawid pa rin dun. Sinabi nang bawal manigarilyo sa mga pampublikong sasakyan at mga terminal, sige pa rin ang paninigarilyo.

Feeling ko kasi innate na sa tao na isipin nilang special sila masyado kaya dapat sila pagbigyan. Na ang feeling nila dapat na lang sila palaging pagbigyan. Na dumadating sa punto na nakakainis na.

---

Sorry kung di ako umamin agad.

Katulad ng dati, wala pa din akong maipapangako sa iyo.

Oo, nagkamali ako sa Pearl's nung nagbitaw ako ng salita.

Di ko hangaring magaway tayo.

Di ko alam kung mas mabuti bang di na ko magsalita.

Di ko rin naman alam ang dapat sabihin.

Hanggang ngayon mabigat pa din dibdib ko.

Para kong wala nang mukhang maihaharap.

Nakakapagod.

Maling Akala

2011-11-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

11.09.11

Nangyari na ba ito sa inyo? Tipong akala niyo okay na lahat? Only to find out na yung mukhang wala pa halos nagagawa ay mas angat pa pala sa inyo ng ilang milya. Nakakdepress ito. Sana hindi ito mangayri sa SP ko. Gusto ko po grumaduate on time.

Rainy Days

2011-11-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

11.08.11

It can't rain forever.

Share lang...yan ang isa sa mga quotes na matagal ko nang pinanghahawakan lalo pag may problema ako.

pamature effect

2011-11-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

11.07.11

Kuya Ivan

cheers to all these years

they passed by so fast

raise your head up

you've made us all proud

I hope

with all my heart

mind

and internal organs

that you yearn for excellence

let us try

and try

to make the most out of every minute

ako ay nasasabik sa sunod nating pagkikita

Happy birthday!

Logo #1

2011-11-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

11.05.11

Watchu think? I spent a day to think and 3 fucking hours to finish this using CS3.

Boldness

2011-11-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

11.05.11

Eye opener. This should reach every Filipino.

Dako ng CAnton

2011-11-02T23:43:00.000-07:00

11.03.11

Ganito nagtapos ang araw ko sa Los Baños. Namiss ko sila. Ngayon ko lang uli sila nakasama ng ganun. Tama si Ichi...sana nga ganito pa din kaming apat kahit may trabaho na.

DAKO!!! CAnton uli tayo!

Elevator

2011-11-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

11.03.11

Para nga namang elevator ang pag-ibig no. Ang pinagkaiba lang...pagkasumakay yung tao sa elevator, alam na kagad niya kung kailan na dapat iwan yung elevator at saan siya bababa. Pero sa pag-ibig...magkasama lang kayo hanggang dumating kayo sa punto na may handa nang kumalas at bumaba ng elevator mo.

Gusto ko rin magspeech

2011-11-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

11.03.11

Nabasa ko lang ito mula sa isang facebook page na sinearch ko rin sa internet at sa tingin ko ay dapat itong mabasa ng mga nagbabasa ng blog ko.

30 second speech by Bryan Dyson, Former CEO of Coca Cola

“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.

Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest. Value has a value only if its value is valued.”

Mas Nakakabigla

2011-11-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

11.01.11

Nabigla ako. Mas nabigla ako kesa sa kabiglaan ko nung nakaraan kong post.

Napaisip ako.

Huling beses ko na bibili ng notebook para sa college. Syempre nagsunod sunod na ang mga ideya sa utak ko. As in nagdagsaan. Parang binenta ng tiglilimang piso ang 1pc Chickenjoy meal sa Jollibee. Ganun kabilis.

Hindi na ko bibili ng notebook next sem.

Hindi na ko bibigyan ng allowance.

Wala na kong takas pag may away sa bahay.

Hindi ko na makikita yung dorm ko.

Kailangan ko na magligpit ng gamit sa dorm.

Kailangan ko na ibalik yung susi ng dorm ko.

Hindi ko na matitikman pagkain nila.

Hindi na ko makakatikim ng mga lutong elbi.

Malapit na ko mawalan ng oras para matikman ang mga specialty ng elbi.

Hindi pa din ako nakakatikim ng kesong puti.

Hindi na ko makakalakad paDTRI.

Hindi na ko makakapaglakad paikot ng fpark.

Hindi na ko makakapagjogging.

Hindi na ko makakahiga sa damo, makakaupo sa bench o makakatayo sa banga.

Hindi ko na madadaanan si Mariang Banga.

Hindi na ko basta basta makakapunta sa 7eleven o sa Ministop.

Hindi na ko makakapagpingpong o bowling o bilyar basta basta.

Hindi ko na mararanasang magsummer classes.

Hindi ko na mararanasan ang piso printing at murang tarp printing.

Hindi na ako makakapunta ng Auntie Pearl's, Siomai Fudhaus, Migz atbp.

Hindi na ko makakapaglakas paJunction.

Matagal tagal bago ako makakasakay ng UP College na jeep.

At medyo nakakapanibago na hindi Kanan o Kaliwa ang inaabangan kong plaka na nakapost sa jeep.

Matagal tagal rin bago ako makakasakay ng Sta. Cruz.

Hindi ko na kailangan tumayo sa bus kapag nagmamadali dahil may meeting.

Wala nang meeting meeting sa cpark.

Tae naman...ang medyo mabigat bigat: Hindi ko na makikita araw araw ang Math Building.

Hindi na ko makakapunta araw araw sa tambayan.

Hindi ko na kailangan makipagkamay sa orgmates ko araw araw.

Wala nang orgshirt day.

Wala nang sem fee.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay college.

Kabigla

2011-10-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

10.31.11

Nagulat ako. I found myself reading some of my posts since April. At nung mabasa ko ito, I was like WOW ako ba nagsulat nito?

Heads up.

2011-10-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

10.31.11

Napagtanto ko nanaman na ang tanda ko na. Mag-eSP na ko sa pasukan. SP Defense. PapaGrad Pic. Magprapraktis ng martsa.

Parang ang bilis lang ng college life.

Malapit na ko pumasok sa reyalidad. Ano kaya ang mangyayari? Kakayanin ko ba magpanggap? Kakayanin ko bang magtago? Kailangan ko ba itago na ganito ako? Kailangan ko ba itago ang katotohanan? Kakayanin ko bang itigil?

Kakayanin ko bang itigil? Hindi. Hindi ko ititigil. Wala akong balak itigil.

Anger

2011-10-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

10.30.11

I found this here:

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”

“Of course I can,” said the father.

---

And then I began to remember all the bad/wrong/selfish/immature statements that I might have fired at you when we had our little/big fights. I'm sorry. *yakap*

Nabasa ko lang

2011-10-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

10.29.11

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me…she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!"

Tara kain

2011-10-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

10.29.11

Napaisip ako. Napagtanto ko na ang mga kadalasang kasabay nating kumain ay yung mga tao na malapit o importante sa atin. Syempre kapag nasa bahay, pamilya. Kapag nasa labas, syempre kaibigan. Syempre hindi kasama sa usapan ang mga required na daluhan kapag may trabaho ka na kasi syempre hindi naman lahat ng kasama mo sa trabaho, gusto mo makasama.

Pero seryoso, napaisip talaga ako. Napansin ko rin na kapag may sinusuyo na babae, ang kadalasang yaya ay may kasamang kain (breakfast, lunch, dinner) tulad ng "Uy breakfast tayo!", "Tara lunch!" o kaya "Masarap ata maghapunan dun!" di ba? Para bang may something special kapag pumayag yung sinusuyo mo na kumain kasama mo.

Baka masyado kong pinapalaki ang isyu. Siguro hindi yung pagkain yung bida. Siguro ispesyal yung akto ng pagkain niyo ng magkasabay dahil alam mo (deep inside) na ikaw (at ikaw lang) ang pinili niyang makasama sa oras na yun. Pwede namang iba di ba? Pwede naman mag-isa lang din siya kumain. Pwede ngang hindi siya kumain eh. Pero hindi eh...pinili niyang makasama ka.

Tae

2011-10-23T17:21:00.000-07:00

10.24.11

Nahihirapan akong lunukin na ang incompetent ko. Sana di na naassign sa akin itong trabaho na ito. Wala akong kwentang head. Magiging basura ang PalaCASan 2012 dahil sakin. Fucking shit.

I Request the Highest of Fives

2011-10-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

10.24.11

I found this first:

And then I wondered if someone was bold enough to write a number of things girls shouldn't do to guys and I found this.

Oh look

2011-10-21T05:46:00.000-07:00

10.23.11

Don't scroll down and see what I found because it will affect yours.

.nekopstuo dna sseltser ,teews tog I

Gusto kong magwala

2011-10-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

10.18.11

Today, I realized how helpless I was, how vulnerable you were and that I have 0 control. Fuck.

Badtrip

2011-10-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

Nalulungkot ako. Ang selfish ko. Mapipigilan ko ba yun? Gusto ko lang naman siya protektahan. Pero pano kung gusto niya makipaginuman kasama mga kaibigan niya na di mo naman kilala? Tapos wala pang kasama pauwi. Tapos gabing gabi na magstastart. Malamang mas gabing gabi makakauwi.

Kaya mamaya, kapag tumatawag siya para magpaalam. Di ko na lang sasagutin. Kesa naman malaman niya na ayaw ko siya pasamahin. Magmumuka lang akong kj. Tapos magdadamdam nanaman siya na di ko siya pinayagan.

Kesyo matanda na? Kaya alagaan sarili? PSSHHH. Si Given din naman may edad na ah? Naganun pa din. Tsk. Badtrip na buhay. Mamimiss ko pa tuloy boses niya.

Fear

2011-10-16T22:33:00.000-07:00

10.17.11

I am definitely trying this out: (Btw di ko kilala yung nasa picture)

Di na ako matatakot. Pssshhhh. Pati yung sa ahas. Lahat na susubukan ko!

Kagalingan

2011-10-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

10.17.11

Pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na ipost ito rito. Pero hindi ko magawa...blog ko naman kasi ito. Outlet ko. Kaibigan ko. Nakikinig lang kahit wala siyang sabihin.

Alam niyo ba yung nakakalugmok na pakiramdam kapag nasabihan ka ng kaibigan ng importante sa iyo na hindi ka sapat para sa kaibigan niya?

Kilala niyo naman ako...madami akong naiisip, sunod sunod ang pasok ng ideya sa utak ko lalo kapag gusto kong pag-isipan. Malamang hindi imposible na pumasok sa utak ko na kailangan ko pa galingan sa ginagawa ko. Na kung kulang ako para sa kaibigan niya, wala akong pakialam kasi mas gusto ko pang galingan na lang kaysa hayaan ang iba na gumawa nun sa kanya. Naiintindihan niyo ba ako?

Yun naman talaga ang naisip ko. Gagalingan ko pa. Pero...ang sakit lang. Ang sakit kasi. Lalo na kung nung panahon na natanggap mo yung mensahe na hindi ka sapat, eh yung panahon na binigay mo sa kanya yung buong linggo mo. Yung kakagawa mo lang ng hinding hinding hindi mo pa nagagawa para sa iba. Yung kakagawa mo lang ng pinakamalaking sakripisyo para ipakita sa kanya kung gano siya kaimportante. Tapos...ganun lang yun. After one slip, you're just instantly fucking not good enough.

Syempre...wala kang ibang magawa kundi umiyak. At gugustuhin mong lumayo muna...as in lalayo lang saglit - alone time kumbaga.

Syempre babalik ka rin sa normal after a few hours. Mahal mo eh. At kahit magmukha kang tanga, kahit hindi ka pa ligo, kahit mamatay ka sa gutom at kahit ginawin ka sa lamig ng hangin, gugustuhin mo pa din siya antayin sa labas ng bldg niya para lang makasama mo siya kumain ng hapunan.

Nung panahon na yun, syempre sa simula nakasimangot ka pa sa labas at di mo siya masyadong kinakausap. Pero sana...sana alam ng kasama ko nung gabing yun na deep inside nakangisi ako kasi magkasama na kami. Ayoko lang magpahalata. Mapride eh.

WWF

2011-10-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

10.15.11

Swerte

2011-10-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

10.14.11

Nakapaglaro na ba kayo ng Deal or No Deal sa Timezone? Naranasan niyo na manalo ng 200 tickets? Siya, oo. At first time pa niya yun. At ang saya saya saya.

Sarili

2011-10-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

10.13.11

Akala ko nakalimutan ko na yung pakiramdam na isang simpleng aksidente lang ang lahat. Hindi pa pala. At ang sakit. Lalo na kapag naaalala ko kung paano tayo nagkaroon ng kuneksyon at kung anong sitwasyon mo noon. Naaalala ko pa...baon ka sa mga problema mo sa buhay pag-ibig. Tadhana nga ba yun? Na nandun din ako at handa kitang akayin mula sa magulong buhay na yun. Aahhh oo nga pala. Ako kasi yung pinakamadaling abutin na salbabida nung panahon yun.

Masakit. Narealize ko na sa sobrang lalim kung san ka nanggaling, medyo matagal bago ka nakaahon at nakapagpatuyo ng damit mo. Ang tanong na naiiwan para sa akin ay...kaya ko ba talaga siya tapatan?

Mahirap mawalan ng tiwala sa sarili. Mahirap din sabihin na walang nagmahal/magmamahal sa iyo ng katulad ng akin dahil posibleng meron although sa probability class ko, tinuro na kung continuous ang case, P(X=a)=0.

Lappy

2011-10-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

Eto na! Eto na yung laptop na ipapalit ko sa gamit ko ngayon!

pa-deep

2011-10-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

10.12.11

ang hirap mag-imagine

pag magkalayo tayo

naiimagine kita sa tabi ko

ang hirap

namimiss kita lalo

kapag sinusubukan kong hulaan

kung ano

kung anong gagawin natin pag magkasama

ang hirap

kasi naman... yung mga

mga ginagawa mo

mas maganda

mas masarap

mas nakakatuwa

kaysa sa inimagine ko

ang hirap

kapag sinusubukan kong magimagine

kung anong pakiramdam

ng hawak mo

ng hininga mo

ng titig mo

ang hirap

kapag iniimagine ko rin

kung anong nagaabang satin pagkatas

pagkatas ko grumadweyt

pag nagtratrabaho na

ang hirap

ang hirap lalo

mas malayo

masakit

nakakapanghina

nakaka

nakakatanga

ang hirap

ang hirap magimagine

Heave Ho

2011-10-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

10.10.11

No one can change a person, but someone can be a person's reason to change.

Spongebob

Powerbooks

2011-10-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

10.08.11

You're lovely, but you're empty," he went on. "One couldn't die for you. Of course an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than you altogether, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except for two or three for butterflies). Since's she the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose."

The Little Prince
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Keep me warm

2011-10-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

10.08.11

I believe in you

You know the door to my very soul

You're the light in my deepest, darkest hour

You're my saviour when I fall

And you may not think I care for you

When you know down inside

That I really do

2011-10-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

10.06.11

Five words: No Other Woman, Anne Curtis.

Minsan

2011-10-04T03:21:00.000-07:00

10.05.11

Minsan mapupulot ko na lang bigla yung sarili ko sa isang lugar kung saan parang lagi na lang may kulang. Sa simula nakakaubos ng lakas yung kakulangan...yung kawalan na kailangang mapunan. Matatawa na lang ako bigla kasi may namimiss lang pala ako. At talagang masarap sa pakiramdam kapag naiisip kong miss na rin niya ako.

Premyo

2011-10-02T00:44:00.000-07:00

10.02.11

Nanalo nga pala ako sa isang pacontest ni Sir dito. Idol. Sayang, di ko kamukha. Pero astig pa din kasi nanalo ako ng artwork. Hehehe. Salamat Sir!

Stress

2011-10-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

10.01.11

Good morning.

Siomai siopao shokoy sho sho shoooo sailuszkeisxhjwed,uhefuhmrierhjmpwuemweurfhnxwueijdwpoeiurfjxeiufhhhhhioehgqoifg4eihimujrkm3o4ijtrp34o8iifdcigljmsomrlkshlmhmg;srhg;phjsgelghh8mlifrp9438wod93i4rp983o4wiujmcrp98o4wro8fufcplfosp0o4erjfp98u3he4rpf98omjew4rpcpw449ec43cwksfdlmcw4oesdci4kdmciowd3w9rekdemiksldcmfpfojeimjpioefjiwepojewauerhqw98eourdj0pa9osizjmceksdhjcmxsxudi

Walls

2011-09-26T19:38:00.000-07:00

27.09.11

Sabi nila what you see is what you get. Di naman.

Sagwan

2011-09-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

22.09.11

Ang pangit sa pakiramdam pag seryoso ka tapos hindi ka sineseryoso.

Lvl 1

2011-09-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

09.18.11

Nakakapanghina yung konsepto ng responsibilidad lalo pag kasama sa usapan yung lebel ng kamangmangan mo.

Lugaw

2011-09-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

11.09.11

Nastrestress ako. Hehehe. Hehehehehe.

Bumibiglaan

2011-09-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

10.09.11

Alam niyo yung feeling kapag inis na inis ka tapos gusto mo na sigawan at hampasin sa mukha yung mga taong nakapaligid sa'yo tapos biglang may makikita kang tao tapos bigla na lang mawawala yung inis mo? Haaaaaaaaaaaay nakakainis no?

Noon, akala ko joke time lang yun. Pero nung naranasan ko kahapon...medyo nakakainis na nakakatuwa pala yung pakiramdam na may tao palang may ganung kapangyarihan. I mean...pag kaibigan mo kasi, usually papasuyo ka muna ng onti. Kapag crush, may fleeting moment pero babalik ka rin sa pagkainis mo. Pero nung nakita ko siya kahapon...putek, malayo pa lang siya, wala na yung inis ko agad.

Gising na uy

2011-09-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

09.09.11

I feel so f****** lost.

Bruised.

Fed up.

Lonely.

Hurt.

Soaked.

Drained.

Tired.

Empty.

Fill me and my cup, I need a drink or two or three or more.

Pakpal

2011-09-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

09.09.11

Oo, tao lang tayo na may mga pagkukulang, nagkakamali at nasisiraan ng ulo. Kaya minsan dumadating tayo sa isang punto kung saan nagbreabreakdown yung isip natin kakaisip sa mga mali nating mga nagawa. Sa dami ng maling nagawa. Sa dami ng responsibilidad mo at kung gano ka kapalpak sa mga yun. Sa mga magulang, bilang anak. Bilang kapatid. Bilang kaibigan. Bilang orgmate. Bilang Juror. Bilang naglalaro ng basketball. Bilang estudyante. Bilang ako. Ang hirap.

Nahihirapan ako kasi puro ako palpak. Kagabi, naisip ko nang magpakamatay. Para sa iba, medyo nakakagulat kasi mukha naman akong masaya. Eto yung mga problemang matagal tagal ko nang kinikimkim. Sumabog na lang ako kagabi. Ang bigat bigat na kasi.

Akala ko naubos na lahat ng luha ko kagabi kakaiyak. Kaso di pa pala. Eto...natulo pa din oh.

Cheesy

2011-09-07T04:46:00.000-07:00

08.09.11

Feeling ko ang cheesy ko na masyado. Gawin niyo nga kong four cheese pizza.

...tapos ibigay niyo ko sa kanya, baka gutom na siya eh.

I will.

2011-09-05T09:06:00.000-07:00

06.09.11

Every time I close my eyes

I thank the Lord that I've got you

And you've got me too

And every time I think of it

I pinch myself cause I don't believe it's true

That someone like you loves me too

Let's prove them wrong.

When times get tough, let's run into each other's arms.

I will hold onto you.

Kawalan

2011-09-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

01.09.11

Unang post para sa buwan na ito. Pero kung may mga nagsisimula tulad ng ber months, may mga nagtatapos rin. Tulad ng lang ng buhay. Imposible naman atang hindi ka mamatay.

May taong nagtanong sa akin last week kung takot daw ako mamatay. Napaisip ako. Sabi ko ipopost ko na lang dito gawa ng gusto ko muna pagisipan. Sa totoo lang...ang unang pumasok sa isip ko ay oo. Pero nung panahon na yun, parang gusto ko magmatapang kaya sabi ko pagiisipan ko pa.

Pero bakit ko ba kailangang magmatapang at lokohin ang sarili ko?

Oo, ayoko sanang maniwalang may langit at impyerno. Medyo alangan ako sa topic na yun. Pero may tsansa kasi na meron ngang ganun. At kung may ganun nga, alam ko naman ang sigurado kong pupuntahan pag namatay ako kaya nakakatakot.

Pero kung ang kahahantungan lang pala pagkatapos ko mamatay ay kawalan. Bakit ko kailangan matakot?

Feeling ko

2011-08-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

29.08.11

Narealize ko lang kahapon kung pano talaga malalaman na mahal mo ang isang tao. Oo, medyo extreme yung naisip ko pero feeling ko ito yung isa (kung hindi man nag-iisa) sa mga pinakamagandang realizations ko.

Malalaman mo na mahal mo talaga yung isang tao kapag handa kang mamatay para sa kanya. Yung tipong masasagasaan siya ng tren tapos handa kang itulak siya para ikaw yung matamaan nung tren. Yung tipong nahuhulog kayo mula sa isang mataas na building tapos ilalagay mo yung sarili mo sa ilalim niya para pag nahulog kayo, ikaw lang yung sure na deads tapos siya may pag-asa pa.

Ewan ko ba. Medyo creepy no? Pero...yun ata talaga yun eh. Wala akong maisip na lusot para dito.

Oras na

2011-08-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

28.08.11

It was the discipline of study, to get into the habit of doing something that you don't want to do.
- Wynton Marsalis

Hello long weekend! Ang daming kailangang gawin! Pero mas mabuti na yung stressed kesa hindi. Hindi ko trip magaral kapag walang exam na paparating eh. Eto na...mag-aaral na.

Kinabukasan

2011-08-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

24.08.11

Para akong ewan. Pangatlong post ko na ito para sa araw na ito. Kaso di ko mapigilan yung sarili ko na sabihin ito eh. At hindi ko alam kung creepy pero...nakikita ko yung sarili ko na kasama ka pa din 10 years from now.

Mag-iingat.

2011-08-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

24.08.11

Be careful who you open up to, only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.

Masarap yung pakiramdam na may kaibigan kang sobra mong pinagkakatiwalaan. Yung tipong pag nagshare ka sa kanya, alam mong sa kanya lang yun...iingatan niya yung info. Tapos kapag nagshare ka sa kanya ng problema, hindi ka niya babaliwalaen, papagaanin niya yung loob mo hangga't kaya niya at tutulungan ka pa niya na solusyunan problema mo. Mahirap makahanap nito ngayon. Minsan kasi akala mo ganun sila pero pakitang tao lang pala. Kinakalat pa minsan problema mo.

On the Search

2011-08-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

24.08.11

Kailangan ko na bumili ng bagong laptop. Nagdadalawang isip nga lang ako kung dapat ba Mac na ang bilhin ko. Kung hindi Mac, pinupush ako ng karamihan sa nakapaligid sa akin na magHP. Kaso, based on exp, di rin naman ganun kaganda HP...nasira rin agad yung nasa bahay. Ano kaya kung Acer? Tsaka parang matibay rin yung magandang klase ng DELL?

Haaaay what I do know is that, I really need to buy one asap. Magbrebreakdown na yung laptop ko ngayon eh.

Pano?

2011-08-21T03:47:00.000-07:00

22.08.11

Malapit na matapos ang August. Tapos September na. Tapos sembreak na. Tapos second sem na! Tapos gragraduate na ako...gragraduate nga ba ako ng second sem? Undecided pa din ako kung gusto ko grumad. Naiinggit ako sa mga taong pwedeng maging kahit sino pagkagraduate nila...yung mga taong ineexpect ng mga magulang nila na maging kahit sino?

Sabi nung iba, ang arte ko. Pero hindi naman kasi sila ako. Hindi sila nakatali. At hindi rin sila ako para magkaroon ng dahilan para kumawala.

Don't.

2011-08-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

19.08.11

Dear You,

Good morning. I miss you. I miss you so much. Everyday, I long for your warmth. Your arms. Your breath. Every night, I look up at the stars and wish you were some place I could just go to in the middle of the night. I miss you. Yes, this isn't something new.

Sorry for taking things too far last night. I should have been a bit more lenient, considerate and patient. *akaaap*

Matigas na shell

2011-08-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

16.08.11

Minsan, may mga nagagawa tayo na hindi naman natin sinasadya. Madalas, yung mga bagay na ginagawa natin na hindi natin masyado napagiisipan, ito yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iba. May pagkaselfish kasi kapag hindi mo pinagisipan mabuti ang mga aksyon mo bago mo ito gawin.

Wala naman akong pandepensa. Gusto ko lang magsorry sa pagiging selfish ko. Sorry talaga.

Buo na uli

2011-08-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

12.08.11

Wala naman talagang panakip butas eh. Nagkataon lang na nandoon ka noong panahong nawalan siya.

Wala, nabasa ko lang ito kanina. May sense pero...hindi ako convinced. Naniniwala ako na may mga nagiging panakip butas talaga. Minsan kasi masyadong lagapak yung pagkahulog natin sa isang tao. Tipong kapag nawala siya bigla, sobra sobra sobraaaang tagal natin bago makamove on. Nahihirapan tayo...yung tipong naghahanap tayo ng magbibigay sa atin nung naibigay nung kakawala lang na tao sa buhay natin.

Minsan, sa ganitong eksena ay biglang nagsusulputan bigla yung mga may gusto sa atin. So keribels lang, siya kasama mo kumain dito, kwentuhan doon, hatid dito banda, text text madalas at hang out kung saan saan. Dahil sa kanila, nameet na yung iba mong pangangailangan sa panahon na naghahanap ka ng makakasama. Pero...usually, sa cases na ganito, more often than not, kapag bumalik yung nakaraan bigla, iiwan mo itong bago at babalikan mo yung nangiwan sa iyo.

Minsan naman, walang lumalapit. Kaya tayo yung naghahanap.

Pero minsan...bigla na lang kayong nagtagpo talaga. Yung tipong hindi ka naghahanap pero dumating lang siya bigla tapos nagclick kayo. Most of the time, eto yung nagiging successful na paraan ng pagmomove on...kasi wala ka nang butas na tatakpan eh.

Ikaw lang pala

2011-08-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

11.08.11

Sabi ng isa kong sis, ang sarap raw ma-inlove. Masarap naman...kung mahal ka rin niya. Kung hindi, syempre hindi gaano. Lalo kung hindi mo alam kung may aasahan ka o wala. Pero wala pa ding tatalo sa akala mo may kayo tapos ikaw lang pala ang nagiisip nun...siya kasi ayaw niya. Wala, naisip ko lang yung case na ganito dahil sa shinare sakin ng isa kong brod.

Hmmmm...masarap naman talaga mainlove. Masarap naman talaga ang maging masaya di ba?

Ang saya saya ko siguro kung andito ka.

Mahirap pala

2011-08-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

09.08.11

We never stop loving the people who leaves us. We just stop needing them like we used to.

Wala, nabasa ko lang ito kanina. Totoo kaya ito? Ang hirap pag pinagisipan maigi. Medyo mabigat na mga salita kasi ang mga ginamit. Pero...may point.

Who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Uncharted Waters

2011-08-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

07.08.11

Kinakabahan ako. Sobrang kinakabahan.

Yes, it is.

2011-07-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

31.07.11

Sorry, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko sa pagpopost nito.

I've always been so lonely
No one there for me to hold
And every night was just so cold
Oh don't get me wrong I've been around
But I've resigned myself to thinking
Mine is just another story often told

Oh, I've heard it all before
Finding so called love then you leave it behind
But now I feel so sure
I listen to my heart this time
Put my heart before my mind

I know that what I've found is once in a lifetime
And I know there's no way out
Cause it's once in a lifetime

Harsh

2011-07-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

28.07.11

BAKIT MAY MGA TAONG AKALA NILA MAGANDA SILA KUNG MAKAPOSE? -_-

Masama ba ko sa lagay na ito? Pero seryoso ako...nananatiling palaisipan sa akin ang mga taong akala nila magaganda sila kung makapose. Araw araw naman siguro tayong tumitingin sa salamin di ba? Araw araw naman siguro natin nakikita kung ano talaga itsura natin. EHHHH dapat araw araw na rin nating tinatanggap ang katotohanang...hindi talaga tayo maganda.

Halimbawa ako, hindi naman ako maganda. Cute ako. Pero isa rin yun sa mga dahilan bakit hindi ako mahilig magpicture ng sarili. Sumasali ako sa group shots para sa hinaharap na future, alam kong nandun ako sa event na yun.

Pero kamusta naman sila Ate? Kung makapose ng top view, side view, mula sa baba...ehhh kulang na lang kunan nila sarili nila habang nakahead stand eh. Kung hindi maganda, wag pilitin as of the moment. Paganda ka muna teh. Medyo nakakasiwa eh.

(HARSH)

Follow up: Kung si Ate, ganun. Kamusta naman si Kuya di ba? TAE KAINIS

Playground

2011-07-27T00:14:00.000-07:00

28.07.11

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba o mali ang ginawa kong pagbasa sa ilang sulat mula sa aking nakaraan ngayon ngayon lang. Nakakalat kasi sa may kama tapos hindi ako makatulog. Wala, napaisip lang ako. Kapag bata pa pala kayo, ang dami niyong naiisip sabihin. Tawa ako ng tawa habang nagbabasa ng kung ano ano niya.

Masasabi kong isa siya sa mga pinakamaling desisyon sa buhay ko. Dahil sa kanya, ang dami kong hindi nakilala, hindi nagawa, hindi naramdaman atbp. Na...nakakalungkot. Gusto ko sanang itanggi na nakaapekto siya sa kung sino ako ngayon. Pero hindi ganun eh.

Ngayon...sino na nga ba ako? May mga bagay akong gusto sa sarili ko at meron ding ilan na gusto kong baguhin. Halos lahat naman ata ng tao ganito ang pakiramdam sa sarili. Pero kung hindi ko siya nakasama, baka...

1) NagParliament ako.

2) Kaclose ko blocmates ko.

3) Nagkaroon ako ng iba.

Windy

2011-07-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

26.07.11

In our lives, people come and go. There are times when you're on the helpless side of the arrangement and you simply have no control over the events going on around you. These are the times when you have to accept the fact that even if you don't want them to go, they just have to.

I guess this is why I'm thankful that there are times when I can still do something...something to change the way things are. Whether if it's by taking the blame or by saying sorry a million times or by changing the way I do things...anything. I'm sorry. I'd do anything just to make up for being dumb when times are hard.

Lesson: Don't let keepers find reasons to drift away.

Pake

2011-07-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

20.07.11

Ang hirap naman. Lagi na lang kitang napapalungkot. Pero kagabi kasi...nakakainis talaga eh. Ikaw ba, gusto mo ganun din trato ko sa'yo? "Bahala ka" tas "kung anong gusto mo"? Eh kung ganun, edi ibig sabihin hahayaan lang kita dapat kung ang gusto mo inumin dyan sa Makati ay 4 na Stallion o 6 na T.ICE? Hindi kita lilimitahan dahil yun ang gusto mo? Hindi ba ang labas ko nun ay wala akong pakialam kung ano mangyari sa'yo?

Sana naiintindihan mo. Sana lang talaga.

Kinabukasan

2011-07-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

18.07.11

Ang hirap naman ng ganito. Yung tipong nagsisimula pa lang kayo pero naiisip na rin ang nagbabadyang katapusan. Kasi di ba, kahit sabihin nating dapat maging open sa lahat ng possibilities, makakaapekto at makakaapekto pa rin ang mindset sa mga kilos at pananalita natin?

Ang weird nga eh. Noon, ganito rin ako. Sinasabi ko na "wala lang naman" kesyo ganito at ganyan.

Bakit ang tapang ko ngayon para sabihing "kaya ko to"?

Titser2B

2011-07-14T06:39:00.000-07:00

15.07.11

Oo, alam ko namang mahirap talagang maging guro. Lalo pag pasaway yung estudyante. Lalo pag walang tiwala ang mga tao sa paligid ng estudyante sa kanya. Lalo kung walang pakialam ang mga magulang niya sa kanya. Lalo kung wala silang pera. At lalong lalo na pag nawalan na ng pag-asa ang estudyante.

Gusto ko tulungan ang mga napunta sa akin sa lts2. Gusto ko sila tulungang magbasa, magsulat at makaintindi. Pero pano ko yun magagawa kung sa murang edad nila ay wala na silang pag-asa at tiwala sa kanilang mga sarili?

Chains

2011-07-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

14.07.11

Kailan ba nagiging too late na para magbago? May mga magsasabi dyan na it's never too late raw. Pero is it never too late nga ba? Come to think of it, it's pretty hard to change kapag nakasanayan mo na. Hmmm hindi ko na alam. Pero ang alam ko (at feeling ko alam niyo rin) ay mahirap talaga magbago. Nagbabago ka lang naman kasi kapag nakahanap ka ng good enough reason to change di ba?

Reyalisasyon

2011-07-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

13.07.11

Reyalisasyon: May mga hindi na natin mababago.

1) Mga magulang

2) Mga kapatid

3) Pagiging pinoy

Lacking

2011-07-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

13.07.11

Tinatamad na ako mag-aral. Gusto ko na lang humiga sa kama at tumitig.

Siguro dahil na rin sa hindi na ako nakasabay sa lessons ko. Siguro dahil rin sa mas madaming masasayang gawain kesa mag-aral. Pero pakiramdam ko dahil talaga ito sa nanay ko at ang biglaang pagbabago niya ng kainyang isip tungkol sa aking kinabukasan.

Marahil ay kakilala mo ako at kakilala mo ang nanay ko o kaya ang madalas kitang kwentuhan tungkol sa pamilya ko kaya kilala mo ugali ng nanay ko. Pero para sa mga hindi nakakaalam, ipapaliwanag ko muna.

May family business kami ata ako ang susunod sa linya. Wala nang ibang optyon dahil may iba nang landas na pinili ang Kuya ko at hindi naman siya pinigilan ng mga magulang ko. Kaya wala na akong magagawa kundi magpakatali at antayin ang kapalaran ko na noon pa nila naplano para sa akin.

Strikto ang nanay ko. Basta sinabi niya, yun na yun. Madalas tama siya, madalas hindi niya alam ang sinasabi niya pero gusto niya siya pa din ang nasusunod. Ayos naman na dahil tanggap ko na na ganun siya at ganun naman ata lahat ng nanay.

Kaso ngayon kasi, nabanggit na niya na ayos lang sa kanya kahit hindi ako grumaduate on time. Ewan ko ba. Nawala yung kasi yung pressure to press on.

Inability

2011-07-09T23:43:00.000-07:00

10.07.11

BuCASan 2011.

Thought for the day: Kaya kaya namin maghost ng ganito?

Sakit sa bangs

2011-07-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

05.07.11

Nakakalungkot lang isipin na wala tayong mapagusapan madalas. Minsan kahit gusto ko pa magkwento, pinipigilan ko sarili ko kasi ang tumatakbo na sa isip ko ay "Ikaw naman." Alam mo yun, kahit ano naman eh...kahit ano naman pwede ishare. Pero dahil masama ang kinahintulutan nitong mekanismong ito kagabi, hayaan mo...ishashare ko na lang lahat ng pwede ko ishare.

Sorry kung nababawasan ang common time natin dahil sa org. Nung simula pa lang, nung pinakilala kita kila nang, sana naramdaman mo na kung gano ko kamahal yung org. Ayoko sana dumating sa puntong papiliin mo rin ako katulad ng ginawa niya sa akin noon. Sinusubukan ko naman lahat para mapagkasya lahat eh. Sorry na ha? *akap*

Hapless

2011-07-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

01.07.11

What a way to start the month.

Good stuff:

1) Acceptance ng mga bagong miyembro later, madadagdagan na ang pamilya ng org namin.

2) May internet na sa dorm for only 500/month. Well actually lalabas na 550/month dahil sa binili kong LAN cable.

3) Mayroon lang akong 1 subject na hindi ko gusto this sem: MATH174.

4) Less pressure. Sabi sa akin ng nanay ko "Wag mo na pilitin grumaduate ng March."

Bad Stuff:

1) Hindi ko alam bakit para akong klutz re temper/emotions. Sorry.

Sabi nila, look at the brighter side of life. Sabi nila, count your blessings. Eh pano yun, natignan ko na yung brighter side of life oh atsaka nabilang ko na rin yung good stuff. Pero...bakit ikaw pa din ang hinahanap ko para maging masaya?

Sorry na. Sorry na sa kung ano mang nagawa ko. :( *akaaaaap*

Found

2011-06-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

27.06.11

Nakakapagtaka. Nakakapanibago. Nakakabahala. Sino na ba ko ngayon? *akap*

Feel

2011-06-25T23:47:00.000-07:00

26.06.11

Melt with me.

Empty batt

2011-06-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

21.06.11

Ang dami kong naiisip. Ang dami kong gustong gawin. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin. Pero kailangan ko mag-adjust. Di pwedeng palagi akong nagdradrama, di pwedeng palagi akong problemado, di pwedeng lagi ako naghahanap ng atensyon.

Oo, sinusubukan kong wag ka isipin masyado kasi nakakalungkot isipin na andito ako sa LosB. Pero pag matutulog na. Pero pag gigising ako sa umaga. Pero kada wala akong ginawagawa. Naiisip kita. Hinahanap kita. Madalas nga naaalala kita sa mga ginagawa ko.

Oo. Ang weird kasi dito ko to pinost. Wala, empty batt na kasi ako.

Good night!

Ang liksi.

2011-06-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

06.19.11

Mapride ako. Minsan kahit sabihin ko na ayos lang ako, hindi talaga. Ayaw ko kasi malaman ng mga taong nakapaligid sakin kung gano ako kababaw, kung gano ako kainggit, kung gano ako kalungkot o kung gano ako kainis. Mas okay na rin kasi paminsan na hindi na lang nila alam para wala ka na lang ipaliwanag. Minsan kasi kahit magpaliwanag ka, wala ka rin namang napapalang matinong reaksyon. Minsan pa nga, iba pa ang nakakarating sa kanilang mensahe. Nadadale ka lang ng doble emotionally.

Pero kahit gano ko pilitin ang sarili ko na isiping wala na lang ang mga bagay na ganito; na wala na lang sakin kung ganito man o ganun ang ugnayan nila; na ayos na dapat sakin kasi matagal naman na yun nangyari - di ko pa din mapigilan na mapatulala at mainis sa sarili ko.

Oo, madaming pwedeng ibig sabihin ang post na ito. Pero isang pagkakataon lang ang nasa isip ko habang tinatype ko ito. At habang iniisip ko yun, hindi ko alam kung maiinis ba ko dapat lalo o matutuwa dahil ayos lang sila?

Unabraded

2011-06-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

06.13.11

Currently looking forward to a few good things today. I realized that the thing about expecting is that even if we tell ourselves don't expect anything, we already have a list of these expectations that we look forward to. So I've decided to simply expect since that's really where we find ourselves even if we deny this outright.

On the same note, a few expectations:

1. A very very nice lunch.

2. More cramming for homework.

3. A temporary internet connection for this month in my room.

4. A drink or two tonight.

5. An organized set of academic properties.

6. A really nice "AAHHHH" moment when I turn in for a night's rest.